October 11, 2006 - 10:33 p.m.
<the reason I'm sad I dropped classes
>
Today I officially dropped two classes. It sucks. I was sick for two weeks, and between missing so many classes and midterms, I just had to drop these two. Still, it's only going to mean another couple months in this city after I graduate. I love this city. I really do. But school is kind of stale to me lately and since I already have basically decided that I'm moving home after I graduate, it's tedious. I'm glad I'm not out of school yet. But now it could be another year before I graduate, with these unforeseen dropped classes. I have things and people waiting for me at home. It's weird, it's not that I'm burning to be home; it's just annoying that I had finally made a halfway decision right when my life had to un-make it for me.
This was a Joe-filled weekend. He came to visit me on Friday and stayed until Sunday night, I went home on Monday and Tuesday and saw him for a long time both days. We had a conversation on Saturday at a party that I wish we could've had sober. I hate that there were things I wanted to say that I couldn't unless I was drinking. He seemed kind of distant on Monday, but after his friends left his house we talked all night, although I'm sad that we started really talking at about 1 am - just as my brain was starting to shut down. On Tuesday we had lunch and I expected that to only be an hour or so, but he decided to skip his next class and we just walked around and got coffee and looked at real estate listings (I know that's weird, but we seriously spent like 20 or 30 minutes looking at pictures of houses). When I'm with him, I'm just bursting at the seams. I really do love him, and it's kind of overwhelming. I've loved men before but it really hits you every time. And I haven't loved someone like this, really been deeply in love, in a long time. It's exciting, although it's strange that I feel this way about him after only four months, when I've dated other people for far longer and didn't feel this way. I mean, obviously he's special. But sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to talk myself out of it, like I should let my head tell my heart that it's going crazy and falling too fast and too hard. But obviously I can't stop loving him. It's reassuring, even though it's a free-fall. It's good, though. It's really good. I'm hungry for him all the time.
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