January 04, 2006 - 8:41 p.m.
<Feeling that far away from myself is uncomfortable
>
I'm getting awfully frustrated with myself. Lately, I've been more than usually interested in shopping, magazines, etc. When I got a hair cut, I felt really pretty and that felt so good that I bought a few magazines this month in an attempt, I think, to keep that beautiful feeling going with beauty advice and outfit tips. I definitely had things that I needed to shop for, and going out to the stores anyway combined with the great after-Christmas sales and extra money, meant that it was hard to pass up that extra shirt, that dress that I'm not sure where I'll wear it but how can I not buy it? It's bad. I feel too superficial, too self-interested. It hasn't been that long, or that intense, but its more than I'm used to. I'm not used to caring so much if I have any new clothes. A shirt or pair of pants a month and I'd be happy and still feeling shiny and new. I hope this fades away.
I also keep buying clothes, I think, because admittedly I've gained a few pounds and not everything fits me anymore. Also, lately I've been feeling more like a woman. Not everything I have feels like me anymore. I feel uncomfortable in some clothes, clothes that make me feel younger or, even if I haven't completely outgrown them physically or emotionally, I can still remember when they fit me perfectly physically or emotionally and feeling that far away from myself is uncomfortable.
Anyway, in conclusion, I've been spending too much time, money, and energy into myself lately. It's time to stop.
Previous |
Next
