December 11, 2005 - 11:06 p.m.
<It's been so long...I should let go already
>
Why can't I let go of Jeff? I'm terrifically happy with Ramsey, and Jeff and I didn't date that terribly long... and while we did I never wanted to commit to him. But somehow, after all this time, he always drifts back into my thoughts when my mind is quiet. What made him so incredibly special? Even if I wasn't dating Ramsey, I don't know that I'd want to date Jeff - for the same reasons that we weren't serious before. I didn't want to sacrifice some things to be with him. But maybe he was the one worth sacrificing for? Maybe not - I never could convince myself to. All I know is, I keep holding on to him. I never knew how long or much I would miss him. I just wish we could be friends. I miss him from my life.
I wish I could talk to him about what happened when Ramsey was in Peru. Why doesn't he talk to me now? Is it because he thinks of me less for what I let happen when I had a boyfriend? Or is it because he doesn't want me unless its in a dating paradigm? Or, worst of all, is it that he just doesn't want me anymore at all?
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