November 13, 2005 - 5:08 p.m.
<it kind of hurts to see your heart played out in front of you
>
Today Emily and I saw
shopgirl. It was infinitely better, and completely different, than I thought it would be. But at the end, Steve Martin's character says something along the lines of, he only had part of Mirabelle because he held her at a distance, so that when he didn't have her anymore he wouldn't be hurt. And that only having part of her hurt most of all.
And I realized, that's what I think Ramsey is doing. That's my huge problem with him. I think he's holding me at a distance. So when I'm not there, he won't be hurt. And I can't stand that. The thing is, because I know that he's doing it to me, I also hold him away because I feel that hurt is more inevitable.
Sometimes I forget what being so unfathomably in love is like. Ramsey could never break my heart. He isn't really holding it.
it kind of hurts to see your heart played out in front of you
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