October 22, 2005 - 10:43 a.m.
<Homesick never leaves
>
I really miss my family a lot. I miss home a lot. Mom wants me to come home for next summer - I don't know if I can. It's not that I don't absolutely love my family, but after a week or two, I'd be ready to come back. All I really have left up there is my family. Most of my friends are living in the cities that they go to school in. Joanna will be in Colorado by then. Jody will be married. I have more here. It's terrible to say, but it's true. I'd love to go home for a couple weeks, of course. But I can't spend all summer there. Hard as it is to say, I belong in Louisville now, more than I belong at home. This is where I am.
Having said that, I think I miss my family more than I even realized. I almost cry over silly things - yesterday I saw a man walking his son home from school and he was reading something, I assume a test the boy got back or a note from the teacher. I wanted to stare at them forever. I watched "13 going on 30" the other day and cried! I only watched it because I was at Ramsey's and everyone else was asleep, and Sean has it - I didn't even want to pay the couple bucks to rent it, even though I was curious about it. But then it made me cry! "A Very Long Engagement" didn't make me cry even one tear, and I felt horribly for that, like I have no heart. But in "13 going on 30", the girl grows up and quits going home for Christmas or taking her parents phone calls, and then after a while she gets so upset and lonely that she goes back to them. I was bawling my eyes out at that. Last night, try as I might, I couldn't muster up the energy to go out. I put "A Little Princess" in my VCR and figured I'd fall asleep. But when she was saying goodbye to her dad, tears were rolling down my face. And when her dad didn't recognize her from amnesia, I was sobbing uncontrollably. Whenever I see anything about a child missing their parent, especially a daughter missing her father, I break down. I miss my family more than I know sometimes.
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