October 02, 2005 - 10:52 p.m.
<Some people, I can't let go of
>
I just remembered something about last night's drunkenness. Toby-Jon was at the party, and suprisingly, did not talk my ears off. But I do remember he asked about Ramsey and if we were still together because he wasn't with me at the party. And somehow I started talking about Jeff. And I just remember saying over and over how I didn't fall in love with Jeff, but I knew that I could have, and I said how I had missed him. Of course I reiterated over and over that I was madly in love with Ramsey and I wasn't saying that I wanted to be with Jeff (it was kind of nice to be able to say out loud that I love Ramsey. Do I? I don't know. But it was nice. I didn't think about it before I said it), but simply that I think he's an amazing guy and I care so much about him. Toby-Jon said that Jeff missed me and everyone says that we should still be dating - apparently, Jeff talked to Bongen who talked to Toby-Jon. So I guess this is a subject worth that many degrees of conversation. This sounds terrible, but in a way it was nice to hear that Jeff had been missing me. If only because he was always so nonchalant when things broke off with us, that I was afraid he didn't really care. He's not an easy guy to get into, so it was hard to know if he really didn't care or if he was just playing it off that way. And this also sounds terrible, but I hope it gets to him that when I was drunk, I told Toby-Jon all about how amazing I think Jeff is. I just want him to know. And it's hard to say that to him, you know? I only want him to know that I think the world of him.
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